I listed the Top 5 Indie Chicks a week ago and while it got a lot of hits it drew very few comments. I attribute that to the fact that maybe my desire for indie chicks is not shared by my friends who read this site. But that’s cool, different strokes for different folks (the first of several double entendres). Anyway, I decided to go more main stream and list the top 5 hottest female athletes, which turned out to be one of the hardest lists I’ve yet to compile (I warned you).
You may be thinking, ‘but Trey, that isn’t very original, ESPN does that like ever year’. True, but when national magazines or shows make their lists they always play up to their audience to the point that it ceases to be an objective analysis of athletic hotness and becomes nothing more than a marketing strategy. Also, they always throw in the one woman who isn’t hot but they feel the need to include her so as to not seem like complete chauvinists. But what I’m about to offer you is not prone to those shortcomings (a quasi double entendre, so a 1 and 1/2 entendre). Here’s how I’m adding a degree of objectivity to the subjective subject of hotness: the woman will be rated on a scale of 1-10 based on her athleticism, then rated on a scale of 1-10 based on her hotness, and those scores with be tabulated to create a number that accurately reflects which woman best combines athletic achievement with hotness. See, it’s all very scientific.
Having said that, my scientific research is affected by my personal bias in the two following ways: 1) there are no volleyball players on the list because my girlfriend is tall and if we have a daughter some day she’ll probably play volleyball, 2) Marisa Miller can’t be including in this list because she is the hottest woman on the planet (other than my afore mentioned girlfriend) and it wouldn’t be fair to the other contenders.
So here’s the list with the grade for athleticism shown first, followed by the grade for hotness, and then a brief remark:
5. Anna Kournikova 3 10 (the only 10 on the looks scale, but she was always more of a model than a tennis player)
4. Natalie Gulbis 6 8 (I don’t know anything about golf, so maybe her sports rating should be higher, but I’ve never heard her name brought up in relation to anything other than her good looks)
4. Hope Solo 6 8 (was great in net for the World Cup but may have had her confidence shaken by her coach’s ridiculous decision to pull her for the China game, which they lost)
4. Heather Mitts 6 8 (good soccer player, but the women’s U.S. soccer team is looking increasingly less dominant and she’s supposed to be one of the anchors of the team)
3. Jennie Finch 8 7 (possibly the best softball player ever and hot but looks accessible)
3. Danica Patrick 7 8 (finally won a race and does have a bunch of top 5 finishes and is also the only brunette on my list)
3. Lauren Jackson8 7 (two time MVP of the WNBA, plus she’s Australian so has a sexy accent)
2. Candace Parker 10 6 (best female basketball player ever and dates my boy Sheldon Williams from Duke)
1. Maria Sharapova8 9 (basically is Kournikova with talent)
August 17, 2008 at 1:11 pm
That’s a pretty solid list. I like the high placement of Candace Parker and Lauren Jackson, both hot and bucking the butch trend of women’s basketball players.
There is one glaring omission, in my opinion, and that is Ana Ivanovic. She is hotter than anyone on this list (save the purposefully omitted Marisa Miller).
August 17, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Yeah, once you incorporate athletic prowess into the mix you candace flies to the top. And Lauren Jackson is hot.
As for Ms Ivanovic, I always hear Wilbon talk about her but until just now I’d never seen her. I don’t know man, she’s hot but I still think Sharapova is better looking. And is Ivanovic any good?
August 17, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Yeah, Ivanovic won the French Open this year and was the world’s no. 1 this year.
I can’t argue with Sharapova being hotter, it’s a matter of taste.
August 17, 2008 at 4:03 pm
By the way, you can’t always rely on Wilbon’s judgement. He thinks Serena Williams is hot, I think she looks like a horse.
August 17, 2008 at 8:07 pm
don’t get me started on wilbon’s craziness. i think he and the show are great, but sometimes the man makes me insane. he’s against fighting in hockey for god’s sake!
anyway, you’re right about it being about taste. i mean my list is basically a list of tall blonde women.
but since ivanovic is indeed smokin and apparently good I think she has to find herself on the list. based on the pictures i’d call her an 8 for looks. and even though i’ve never seen her play i feel like she can’t be better than sharapova yet (since she’s sort of new) so i guess you call her an 8 on athletics.
that’d put her at 16 total and in a tie with parker for number 2. sound right?
August 17, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Haha, that’ll work for me. She can’t dunk, so Parker can take that one, but she is a terrific player. And Serbian.
And I agree with you about Wilbon. I once made a post about how annoying he’s become on the old site. He used to be great and now I find him to be as much of an old man as Kornheiser, except black.
August 17, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Yeah, but Kornheiser every so often gets in a mode where he is like the ernest hemingway of sports. Like he’ll throw out a line that is absolutely true and genius. Calling Farve a modern day Hamlet is one such instance. I don’ know, there are just some shows where you can tell that he is an amazing writer.
But you can’t nit pick that show too much bc it is the best sports show on tv. I think we can all agree on that.
August 17, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Yep, totally agree. As long as they’re both actually there and not on vacation.
August 22, 2008 at 4:10 pm
a few points. #1 – danica patrick is not hot. and her attitude is so awful, she should be stricken from the list. she’s like the T.O. of indy car racing. #2 – maria sharapova is not even anywhere close to being as hot as anna kournikova. she’s just russian and blonde. but, in her favor, she is actually good at tennis. #3 – thank you for not putting amanda beard on this list. she has a face like a smashed crab.
August 22, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Haha, these are the greatest comments ever. I completely agree with you about Amanda Beard. Has anything been more ironic than her saying, “Ewww” about Michael Phelps? As far as Sharapova is concerned, in terms of pure looks, you’re right. But his index measured both athletic ability and looks.
August 22, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Well well well. Olivia Baird reading our site.
Ok, point 3 is dead on accurate. She posed nude apparently. I say apparently because I have absolutely no inclination to undertake the minor effort to type her name in google and see if there are nude pics of her. No thank you.
Point 1, you’re partially right. She isn’t the hottest thing in the world, but she is talented. So I think giving her a 7 for looks and 8 for athletics makes sense. And she isn’t the TO of indy car. TO is insane. She is just sort of poutty (sp?).
And I agree that Maria, who is commonly refered to as my other girlfriend, is almost as hot as Anna. I gave Anna a perfect 10 for looks and gave Maria an 8.
See I knew what I was doing. And you’d know that if you read our site. Busted!
August 29, 2008 at 7:57 am
[...] on up at Flushing Meadows. The US Open started this week and already there is a massive upset. Super hot Ana Ivanovic, the tournament’s top seed on the women’s side, crashed out in the second round to [...]