So this thing on facebook started where you name 25 random things about yourself. I hate this sort of thing. However, after much internal debate I decided that I could channel that hate like the Dark Jedi that I am into something funny and pointed. Maybe this is due to the fact that I’m reading Chuck Klosterman or maybe it is due to an underlying psychological problem wherein I am mean for no particular reason. So I present the following random things about me (you are welcome to comment negatively or positively or add things about yourself or me):

7. I am mean.

19. I am cynical.

2. I embrace rock bottom.

6. I believe that you can’t list 25 random things and put them in chronological order because that negates the randomness.

25. I have no desire to get married for 4 main reasons: a) I can claim that I’m not getting married to show solidarity with gay people who are legally not allowed to get married, b) It seems arbitrary (unless your parents or religion forbids you from living together, which I respect, marriage seems superfluous), c) I do not like wearing jewelry, d) I find the word ‘Palimony’ to be infinitely funny.

15. In the winter of 2007/2008 I worked as a ski instructor. It was the best job I’ve ever had.

17. At most, about 5% of the people I’m actively friends with were in a fraternity. That’s because about 95% of frat guys are total douches.

11. I’ve been a Duke fan my entire life (since 1981 – the beginning of the Krzyzewski era) and part of the joy of that is that when you lose people feel the need to taunt you because deep down they know Duke doesn’t lose very often and they’d better get their shots in while they can (3 National Championships, 11 regular season ACC titles, and 10 ACC Tournament Championships [including a 10 year stretch from 96/97-05/06 when we won either the regular season title or the tournament or both]).

5. I applied to one and only one college.

10. I hate that everyone goes to Charleston now. I hate that they built a law school (which is at best a 3rd rate institution) and that everyone my age moves down there. I hate that now all the Spartan High kids go to CofC when they graduate. I was there first (I was one of 6 people from my high school to go there in 2004). The rest of you are just tourists.

1. I think ‘tourist’ is a four letter word.

24. I hate that everyone goes to South Africa now. I wasn’t there first (Jim was), but I was a close second. And the reason I went there in 2002 was that no one else went there. In order to discourage this trend I tell people that they will get robbed at least once during their visit.

13. Not joining the army is the greatest and most sincere regret of my entire life and will be until the day I die.

18. I would like to do peyote just once to see what my spirit animal is (I’m hoping it’s either an owl or a turtle).

21. It annoys me when people describe themselves as ‘creative’ and don’t see that describing yourself as ‘creative’ is a cliché dependant upon a commonly held notion of what counts as creativity and therefore entirely uncreative (Klosterman makes the same point but I swear I came up with it before I read that).

16. I think the creation of Israel was the greatest mistake of the 20th century.

23. I hate the show Lost.

3. I am agnostic, which means I like religion but don’t want to wake up early on Sundays.

8. I am a neo-luddite.

4. I have been punched in the face on more than one occasion.

22. I have lied to Spike Lee. I once met him in an airport, I shook his hand and said that I hoped the Knicks did well that year, but I was disingenuous because I actually don’t care about the Knicks or the NBA.

12. I firmly believe that the most important thing in life is adventure.

14. If you beg your parents and friends for money to travel you just don’t get it.

9. Even though all of this is mean and cynical, I do not think that I am better than you. In fact, I’m as bad and probably worse than you. But I’m self aware of this and that’s the difference.

20. I am seriously considering deleting Facebook.